What Is Relationship OCD and How To Cope
Diving deeper into how to fix relationship OCD, relationship OCD symptoms, and living with OCD in your relationship.
How Relationship OCD Manifests
Lots of people question their relationship from time to time no matter what stage they are in- dating, engaged, newlyweds, and married individuals can all find themselves questioning their choices. It becomes a problem when those thoughts overwhelm your life, hindering your day-to-day activities and causing issues with your partner. Relationship OCD can make you obsess over these fears and send you into a spiral of assurance-seeking behaviors.
Common Relationship OCD Intrusive Thoughts & Compulsions
If some of this sounds familiar you might be wondering- what are some examples of Relationship OCD obsessions?
Here are a few things that you might find yourself questioning if you have Relationship OCD-
if your partner loves you
if the relationship will last
if you could have found a better partner
if other people are more attractive than your partner
if other people elicit stronger emotions in you than your partner
if past partners did a certain thing better
your partner’s flaws- are their eyebrows too thick? Are they boring? Do they like the same things as you? Do they satisfy you?
These types of questions can lead to you avoiding your partner and triggers such as romantic movies that make you question your relationship, or cause you to repeatedly seek validation that your partner does in fact love you. These intrusive thoughts are generally divided into two categories of Relationship OCD, although it is possible to suffer from both.
Two Categories of Relationship OCD
Relationship OCD is divided into two categories, partner focused and relationship focused. OCD that is partner focused is defined as when your relationship OCD symptoms zone in on your partner’s unique characteristics like looks, personality, likes & dislikes, and intelligence and continuously question their faults. Relationship focused, on the other hand, obsesses over the bigger picture, questioning if the relationship is right at all and if things will work out in the future of your relationship. It’s important to keep in mind that relationship OCD is not limited to only romantic relationships and can manifest in other relationships, such as friendships.
How to Cope With OCD in Relationships
Identification is a huge part of learning to cope with relationship OCD. Once you know what you are dealing with, it’s time to arm yourself with the tools to take back control of your mind. In the case of relationship OCD manifesting in a romantic relationship, having your partner’s support during that process will be a great stepping stone, so keep them informed on your process and how they can help. Maintaining an honest and open relationship with your partner is crucial. Your therapist is going to be a big help at identifying your compulsions and giving you the resources and skills to master them. Once identified, it’s important to communicate to your partner what your triggers and compulsions are surrounding your OCD. Ask your partner to set boundaries around your compulsions in the relationship. For example, you can ask your partner to set limits to reassurance seeking while in the presence of a trigger.
In the end, your goal is to learn to stop those thoughts in their tracks and avoid the need to act on them. Sometimes, the root causes need to be addressed so you can find peace. It can be hard to face these things without someone who truly understands, which is why joining a support group can help you overcome your relationship OCD.
Check out our Relationship OCD page for more information or contact us if you’d like to chat with our LMFT regarding your OCD symptoms.